249: Self Investing For Business Owners And Leaders

• How to tend your inner fire, so you have a sustainable source of energy with which to light your next Lantern.
• How to know if you’re actually self-investing versus papering over an unhealthy situation, so you can take steps to build the life you envision.
• How to make self-investing a habit and create your own self-investing plan.

If you haven't already joined the Superabound Collective, what are you waiting for? It is a community of soulful business owners where you can get support with the challenges of leadership. And it's free for a limited time.

Learn more and join the Collective here.

Episode Transcript

Erin Aquin  0:02 

Welcome to the Superabound podcast with master coaches Erin Aquin and Steve Haase where business owners like you learn the tools that will help you clarify vision, clear up static and overcome challenges. You are listening to Episode 249: Self Investing For Business Owners And Leaders. Hello, and welcome to the show. This week's episode is a live one, where we recorded inside the superabound collective, our free community of business owners and leaders, we wanted to share this episode with you because it is such an important one, we hope you enjoyed this live episode. And if you are not already a member of the collective, you can join, it's absolutely free over at besuperabound.com/collective. Hope to see you there.

Steve Haase  0:56 

So today we're gonna be talking about self investing. And it might sound similar to self care. In fact, that might be one of the first things that comes to mind. And you might even ask as one of the people here live on the the actual class asked, such as bubble baths, please tell me we're not just talking about taking a bath. We are not just talking about bubble baths. The reason that we use the word self investing is because we're talking about an entirely different level of care. That is different than what most people are talking about in the world of self care, self love, the different ways that people usually think about this topic.

Erin Aquin  1:39 

And if you've ever struggled with the idea of self care, I think sometimes you know, this is maybe just the coach in me saying this. But I think sometimes when we rename things, it can take us out of maybe an older concept that we've always had. So like bubble baths is a great example. It is always what I think of when I think of self care. Don't get me wrong, I love the bubble bath. But self care is often for many people like a thing they do as a band aid solution before they run screaming back into what's often an unsustainable approach to their life and their work. So I, at some point, a few years into this business decided to start calling self care self investing, because I thought investing sounds very grown up. Investments, like financial investments are supposed to have a compounding interest. And there's just something about it that had me start to take my own practices more seriously, like they they mattered as a foundation to my inner wealth. They weren't just like the bubble bath once a week. You know, self investment is really something that you do ongoingly. And it is it's a nod to your future. You know, if you're investing, it means that sometimes it's kind of boring. Sometimes it's not as fun as blowing all your money and all your resources on a moment of excitement. It's like, No, we just put this little nugget away. And hopefully, one day I'm expecting to have a nice long life, then we'll be able to enjoy that in a different way. So the same is true. It's it's like really setting you up in the Superabound world we often talk about like, this is all about building a sustainable business that can last in the future. It's not just about going out there and saying, I'm going to make q3 the best quarter ever. And then I'm going to be so burnt out in q4 that I'm going to take three months off.

Steve Haase  4:06 

Yeah. And just like in financial investing, it is a habit. It's something that you have built into your systems. It's not even if that habit is you know, in financial investing, you're like, Okay, it's January, let's put aside our contribution for the IRA, the retirement account, whatever it is, it's it's something that's kind of boring, but over time, the effects compound they build on themselves. Self Care, can sometimes have that feeling of like an indulgence. Let me indulge myself here because I've been so stressed out. That's actually kind of putting a bandaid on something that is a much deeper wound. Self investment is where you actually look at the whole picture of your life. And you say, Where are the wounds? What are the things that actually need support? and even healing in order to have the life that I want, self investing is about investing in the life that you want, it's investing in yourself. So that a year from now you look back and you say how far I've come look at how great my relationships, my physical health, my spiritual health, any of these things that really matter to the whole picture of your life, you can look back and say, it is improving, it's in good shape, it's in excellent shape, there are no glaring holes, that you are kind of using the banner of self care to paper over. And, you know, try to escape from because you're taking a full look at your whole life and how you want it to be,

Erin Aquin  5:49 

actually I have an example of this from when I was a yoga teacher, you know, there Yoga is a lovely thing to do. People enjoy yoga can be a very helpful experience. But there were people that enjoyed it as total self investment, it was something that, you know, it cost money to go to classes, it took time out of their day, they actually had to make a real unconscious effort to make that class happen. And then there were some people who definitely after years of knowing them, I knew would come to the studio many times, many times more than even a regular student would. And I knew that they weren't really having a great time in their home life, they maybe didn't have a lot of deeper relationships. And at that point, you know, you start to wonder, is this self investing? Or is this the band aid. So even even healthy habits can be a band aid solution, whereas self investment really, it adds richness to your life more than it takes away, that's another really important thing is you, you start by to have to invest, you have to put in the effort, the time the resources to do these activities that we're going to share with you today. But they don't leave you with less than what you started.

Steve Haase  7:24 

There overall supportive. And another reason, it's powerful to use the word investing, I love getting back to the power of words. And the reason that the words you use matter so much. When you invest, you're thinking about building wealth, and self investing points to the fact that the greatest wealth you can have is your own well being. It's how healthy you are, how satisfied how grateful, like what is your inner state, like both physically, mentally, spiritually relationally, all of these things are the actual things that matter. You can have millions of dollars in the bank, but if you don't have inner wealth, you will still feel poor. If you don't have your physical health, doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank, if you don't have relationships that bring you satisfaction, and love and purpose, then outer wealth is just empty and hollow. So self investing points to the fact that you're building true wealth in your life so that when you do have money, then it actually can support those things. It's um, it's it's less fundamental in terms of a happy life than what we're talking about.

Erin Aquin  8:54 

So hopefully, you're inspired to self invest. Now we're going to tell you how. So there are so many ways you can do this, we are going to offer you three of our favorite ways. And it's something we've been talking about a lot lately, because this is going to be make a big appearance in our upcoming book. But the three ways that you tend to your inner flame that you self invest, you create that interior, wealthy landscape, it's through what we call the tending triad, so easy to remember, there's three things, three, three sides to a triangle. And those are your visionary practice, your sustaining rituals, and your personal filter,

Steve Haase  9:44 

and it's called the tending triad because you're tending your inner flame. And if you've ever studied firefighting, you know as one does, I actually did when I went to Navy boot camp because if you're on a ship, you have to be able to fight fires on that ship. If the three things that create a fire are heat has to be hot enough fuel, there has to be something to burn. And oxygen, there needs a influx of air in order to turn that fuel and heat into fire. So that's why it's the three things. And so if we match up what you need for a fire to the tending triad, it looks like this. It was kind of fun. I love geeking out on this. So the heat is your visionary practice, this is the thing that has you connected to why you're here, this is your connection to your purpose. And it's not just an inner connection to your purpose, it's the thing you do, it's the action you take in the world that moves you closer to your purpose. So it builds heat in the triad of your inner flame. Because you're responding to why you're here, you're you're building your own sense of meaning of purpose of creating value in the world, and you're doing something that you can actually see that it is real,

Erin Aquin  11:04 

I will share. You know, we've been talking about this a lot in our Superabound collective community. One of the lanterns that Steve and I are working on right now is finishing our book. And finishing a book is a big challenge in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons. But what makes our book feel like a visionary practice is that it's aligned with our big purpose, our big dream, which is to help people realize the life the universe is dreaming for them, it's a really good way to do that is hand a bunch of books out, sell a bunch of books around the world, so that more people can identify what their dream is and understand how to craft their vision and build their life, step by step around, realizing and enjoying the journey towards that big dream. So anyone could write a book, writing a book is not inherently a visionary practice, but because for us, it is so connected to our big vision. That's what makes it a visionary practice and not just thinking about it, but actually doing it every single day we right, that is a drop in the bucket towards realizing that big vision for you. That means you take your big dream and you really think about if I believed that this was inevitable if I had believed I have the 100 100% capacity and capability to do this thing in my lifetime. What would I do to take a step towards that today? That is visionary practice,

Steve Haase  12:47 

taking those steps day after day, is how you build the heat in your fire. So now that we have heat, we need fuel. That fuel is basically the things we were talking about earlier, it is the let's see, what's the best way to talk about it. It's the part of the tending triad is called sustaining ritual. These are the actions you take to make sure that there's enough of you to go around. If you feel spread too thin, you could still be working towards your vision. But if you feel spread thin, there's not going to be enough of you to actually put towards that vision. So your sustaining rituals are how you create inner abundance of mental, physical, spiritual, relational well being.

Erin Aquin  13:39 

And that can be like getting eight hours of sleep, it doesn't have to be anything fancy. It has to be that which is supportive to you. So it could be your bubble bath, maybe you decide that your one of your sustaining rituals is 20 minutes in the tub. At the end of every day, I have a client who does this. It's like her decompression time. And it's very spiritual, not just for physical hygiene and all the beautiful like muscle advantages of having a nice warm bath. But it's like a time to let go of the day. This is very personal. It's depends on what you love. But one way you can get started with sustaining rituals is have a look. If you were living that visionary practice, if you are working towards that every day, what are the most supportive things that you could use physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually relationally and you don't have to do them all at once, but maybe you take on one. I will I'll share like a really simple one when when we had very little children. One of my sustaining rituals was 10 minutes in the bathroom twice a day washing my face, had a very involved skin care routine that I just decided this felt luxurious. My kids could be banging at the door and very upset with me for being away from them for 10 whole minutes. But it was like that was my little moment to tend to my largest organ, my skin. So you don't have to do that if you're not into it, it should be something that feels a little bit luxurious to you, ideally. But having that sustaining ritual and having several of them throughout your day, throughout your week throughout your life. It's very important.

Steve Haase  15:38 

If you are into meditation, tarot cards, prayer, these would all go in the category of sustaining rituals, because they're how you create more fuel for the fire, more fuel for your inner fire, if you are spending time with what your heart most desires, with your connection to the divine, that may or may not contribute to the growth of your business, but it will contribute to the quality of your life as you grow your business. And so that's why those are powerful sustaining rituals to take on, based on what resonates most with you.

Erin Aquin  16:19 

Now, the final part of the triad, possibly the most challenging, this is all about your personal filter, and the personal filter, we think of that as oxygen cannot have a fire without oxygen. And it's really hard to have a Superabound life. If you are not, you don't have room to breathe, if you don't have room to grow, if you don't have space around you, that allows your fire to burn bright. So this can look like a lot of different things. But basically, a One quick way to check your personal filter is to look at what you do in a day, who you spend time with. What sorts of things you're engaged with, that actually feel like maybe they drain you more than they contribute.

Steve Haase  17:17 

If you find yourself feeling resentful, that's going to be a very good flag, saying that a personal filter would go there. Resentment is often from doing things saying yes to people or opportunities that you kind of wish you were able to say no to. And so that personal filter is where you construct a semi permeable membrane, it's not a wall, you want to let the good things in, but you want to keep the things that drain you out. It's a mosquito net, mosquito net, mosquito net for the little things that you don't want in your space. Those are going to be different for everybody. But if you look for moments of resentment, if you look for things where you have less energy at the end of them than you did in the in the beginning, where they drain your energy, those will all be indicators of places where you need that filter.

Erin Aquin  18:17 

And if you're not sure, you know, one of the things you can do is you can actually just test it out because this is a little bit more again, I mean, they're all very personal. But this is your personal filter. Some people find that they take want to take breaks from social media for a couple months and see how that feels for them and see. Or they take breaks from watching TV from time to time or consuming the news. I'm not going to be prescriptive about it. But if you're not sure, where you maybe need a little bit more reinforcement, you know, try unplugging for 24 hours from all media news, your computer locked, like what I sometimes do is I'll lock my computer in my office for the weekend. And I see who I am when I don't have work to distract me when I don't have outside information coming in. So yes. And someone said, Can you filter yourself from certain annoying people? Absolutely. I think that's actually one of the tricky things is as you are growing your visionary practice as you take on more sustaining rituals. Sometimes your personal filter will kick in and let you know when it's time to end or let a relationship come to its close. You're not going to have the space when you start treating yourself really well. You will not have the space, the time and the resources to invest in things that don't uplift you and sometimes that's people which can be hard. This isn't something maybe you're going to do alone we have a Well, Superaband community that you can come in, again, we can help you with with some of this stuff, but really becoming more protective about where you spend your time and your energy. These are the most sacred resources we have. They are important to your inner flame, and we need to keep them healthy and strong.

Steve Haase  20:19 

So this is just a fun one to experiment with. It is a challenge. And so we encourage you to take it lightly be easy with yourself and be easy with the process. You don't have to build a iron wall on day one. You could experiment with a full day of no devices. How does it feel when it's just you and your thoughts, you and the people in your world? See what comes to you see what kind of inspiration or spaciousness comes your way. And maybe your personal filter is one day a week. It's just me and the people in my immediate surroundings, that could be enough. Or maybe you discover there are certain social media feeds that you need to unfollow or certain people where you need to let that relationship go. You can adjust as you go. But the big question to ask is, Where can I have more oxygen for my dreams? And that's going to come from more from what you say no to than what you're saying yes to? Because if you're saying yes to your dreams, putting your focus there and investing in that is what's going to bring it the oxygen, you just need to have an eye towards what are what are some ways that that dream might be smothered? And how can you free that up for that space up.

Erin Aquin  21:43 

And I mean, that is that is a beautiful thing to think about as well. Because when you really tend your inner flame, this all becomes easier. That's the other part. I know, the first kind of beginning, a self investment journey can be tricky, because we've maybe said yes to too many things. And we're not used to having sustaining rituals. And we've never really, given our visionary practice the time and energy that it needs. But over time, when this becomes more of a lifestyle, I'd say like the tending triad really is a lifestyle, it becomes easier, you're going to get so much positive, or a return on investment in so many ways from doing these practices more and more regularly that I can say from experience, you'll come to a place in your life where you don't have to activate your personal filter so much because you've really built relationships that respect to those and your sustaining practices are all on the calendar. So you don't have to worry about making your massage appointments. Because those are there, you've done that six months before. And your visionary practice hopefully becomes more and more a part of your every day. So that is what we have to say about self investing.

Steve Haase  23:05 

We hope you find that shift in thinking and some of those ideas on implementing the tending triad in your own life. Something really supportive. We'd love to hear from you how that's going, how else you've been thinking about it, what you've been doing, join us at the Superabound collective, which you can find at besuperabound.com/collective. This is presented for members of the collective we have lots of special behind the scenes opportunities and conversations that are happening in there. So we'd love to see you there if you're not already. And if you want to take these ideas to the next level in terms of implementing them in your business. We have this plus many other topics to build strong bones and foundation for your business in our gross smooth program. And you can find out more about that at besuperabound.com/grow.

Erin Aquin  24:01 

Have a wonderful week and we'll talk to you again soon.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai