Right now I am sitting in the airport waiting to fly to France were I will spend a week on retreat with some Life Coach friends who I seriously love.
This is the second retreat I have gone on in the last six weeks to work on my new book about how to create better relationships.
Interestingly, the other day I was telling someone about it and they said (very innocently):
"Wow, you must be so grateful you have a husband that let's you do that."
The first part of that sentence I agree with.
I do feel grateful to be with my husband. He is a wonderful partner and an amazing parent to our kids. I love him and we have a blast together.
BUT let's be clear.
He doesn't "let" me do anything.
I don't ask his permission to go out and have amazing experiences, just like he doesn't ask me.
Our relationship isn't built on compromises and negotiations.
If one of us wants to do something (like go to France and write) that directly impacts the schedule of the other (who is going to have two little people to care for) we talk about our ideas for how it could work.
This attitude is everything.
We don't start from a place of feeling like we need permission from each other.
Instead we start with an attitude: "If something is important to one or both of us we can figure it out."
We talk about how we make this happen in a way that works for both of us.
Sometimes the answer is "yes" and other times the answer is "yes, but no".
"Yes, but no" means we could make it happen but we both decide that to pull it off would just be too much or us or for our kids.
This is a powerful way to make decisions in your relationship.
If something is important, you CAN figure it out.