We’ve all been there: you have all the best intentions for getting a good night’s sleep and end up scrolling on your phone until late.
Or you have a plan for giving difficult feedback to a team member, only to find dozens of reasons why it’s not the right time, or place, or wording…
And so the stress and feelings of overwhelm build as your desire to do the right thing fizzles into a vague sense of being powerless.
In this week’s episode, master coaches Erin Aquin and Steve Haase reveal the underlying causes of not following through and how to create a habit of doing what’s good for you.
You will discover:
How not to feel shame for not following through, but instead to get curious and creative
How to become friends with discomfort so that you gain the benefits of doing hard things
How to craft your social circles to make it easier to do things you truly want to do
To join us for the Tending Triad Journey we mention in the episode, register at besuperabound.com/journey
Steve Haase 0:01
Welcome to the Superabound podcast with master coaches Erin Aquin and Steve Haase. Were business owners like you learn tools that help you clarify vision, clear up static and overcome challenges. You are listening to episode number 262. Why you don't do what's good for you? Hello, everybody. Great to have you here. And yeah, that's kind of a cheeky title. But it is real, right? I mean, we all know the experience of knowing what you have to do, whether it's getting enough sleep, eating the right food, setting your personal filter, right, setting a strong boundary, even operating your business in alignment with your vision, any of these things, you know what you're supposed to do, and then reality hits, and you don't do it. So today, we're going to talk about why that is, and how to help you actually start to create those habits that will have you doing the things that you know, that you want to do and your moments of clarity and reflection. You say, This is what I want to do. Today, we're going to help you actually do that. Welcome, Erin.
Erin Aquin 1:07
Hello. Okay. Yeah, this is a big topic. And I first want to start with saying that there is no shame here. We are all humans, we all have beautiful, inspiring ideas and then and put them on our calendar and then don't do them. So I think that this is totally a natural phenomenon. And yet, if you are an entrepreneur, if you are a leader, and you are in the habit of not doing what is good for you not doing what you say you're going to do for your own well being or in your business somewhere, it does delay progress, it does slow you down, it can lead to situations for you personally, that aren't good. The biggest one that ever happened for me, I knew that I should have been sleeping, I knew that I should have been eating more consistently, and more nutritious foods, I knew exactly what foods to eat. I had studied holistic nutrition and acupuncture and Chinese medicine, I knew I should be getting treatments. And I knew I should not be working six days a week and I was doing those things. And I was doing things that were not in alignment with what I quote unquote, knew I should be doing. And I got really sick, I had a nine month illness that caused me to close two of my businesses, I really got very ill now I can't, I don't know for sure if it was because of those things. But definitely there was a burnout component to that. And I was also a yoga teacher. So I was literally doing work to support people to be well. My Businesses were wellness businesses, and I personally was just not at my healthiest. So no shame because there is a difference, I think between knowing what we should and shouldn't be doing, feeling good about having that information, and actually implementing it. This is why people read mindset books. And don't ever change anything about how they're thinking and what they're doing in their life. But then when they hire a coach, and they are working on implementation of the things that they are learning with that person, that's when things start to change. So we're going to talk about the space between what you know, you should be doing and actually doing it. Steve, what do you think happens in that space?
Steve Haase 3:49
That's the key question. And in my mind, what I see is that the status quo is so strong. Inertia and habit are such powerful operators in our mind. We are creatures of habit, we're also social creatures. So whatever we're surrounded with, will be kind of the main thing that we're doing. And whatever we've been doing will be the main thing that we're doing. So if you find yourself doing what you always have, or doing what everyone else is doing, congratulations, you're normal. Right? So like Erin said, no shame in this conversation whatsoever. But that does give you an insight into two levers that you can use to do what's good for you. One of those is the culture that you surround yourself with, who are the people in your world? Who do you have in your ear and in your heart and giving you support and being part of your crew? If those people are doing the things that you want to be doing? Guess what? Much better chances that you too will also be doing those things right? I am riding my bike much more now that I'm a member of a cycling club where I get together with people who are all riding and that's the normal thing that everyone does then I was when it was just me going out for a ride whenever it felt, you know, whenever it felt good. So take a look at who you're surrounding yourself with and how you're getting support from your community, from your people in your life, that will be a big component of actually switching from what you know you should be doing to what you're actually doing.
Erin Aquin 5:20
Okay. And I think you actually touched on something, that it may be the most important part of this whole conversation, which is doing what is good for you. Doesn't always feel good in the moment. We talked about intrinsic motivation before. But I think that a lot of people have this assumption that if something is good for you, it's going to feel good to do it. And the very first thing I think you can do to help yourself is come to terms with the fact that that is not often true. You know, I spent probably a good five or six years trying to create like a workout habit. And yes, I had to experiment with things and find things that were fun and interesting, and that were like, good for my physical needs that that was true. But I also had to come to terms with the fact that in the moment, getting to the workout doesn't feel good. Usually, for me, doing the workout doesn't usually feel good. And for a day or two after the workout, I don't usually feel all that good. And the same thing, like we have young kids, they don't always want to eat their vegetables, which are good for them. But you know, we wouldn't say okay, fine, no problem, just eat nothing. But grilled cheese sandwiches for the rest of your life. We have to establish like, yeah, it doesn't taste good. We're not going to pretend to taste good. Compared to all of the other foods that are available in the world, it's good for you. And we have to find a different sort of source of motivation sometimes to do what is good for you.
Steve Haase 7:00
This is a really important point, because we are surrounded by messages that we should be more comfortable, we should be more at ease, we should be experiencing more convenience. It is literally the point of every advertising message, right. And it's like, you shouldn't be suffering in any possible way. And so when you realize that the things that are good for you might involve a little bit of pain upfront a little bit of discomfort, it can be hard to switch into the mindset of, okay, let's say yes to that discomfort, even though all around me says just do what's easy, right? The status quo is easy. Everything you've been doing is easy. That's why you've been doing it right at least the things that aren't as much of a challenge. And so that's why creating the habit of embracing challenges is actually one of the most powerful ways to start doing the things that you know, you should be doing. You can create a momentum of saying yes to the stuff that's hard. That's why I hop in a cold shower, often, um, let Erin hates this. He's like, don't use this as it never happened to cold shower. But for me, I love that momentary experience of like, Ah, right, the, the exhilaration, that kind of this is not fun. That eventually turns in actually, just after a very short period of time, turns into something very invigorating, something enlivening something focusing. It's part of how I create a habit of embracing discomfort, and stepping into what I know will create a good life for me.
Erin Aquin 8:38
Yeah, that is 100% not my choice of discomfort. But I'm happy for you. And anyone who likes to do that. Amazing. This, to me is thoughtful discomfort or purposeful discomfort, like there's no point to it. There's a point to it that may not be realized in that moment. And it usually doesn't feel good. You know, even think about this in your business. When you're doing something that's a new initiative for your team. For your company. You don't have any evidence that it's going to work. You are putting resources towards something, it feels scary, nerve racking, and you don't know how it's going to turn out. There is no world in which that is comfortable at but at the same time, it's not an exercise of discomfort just for the sake of discomfort and random like random discomfort. That's not necessarily helpful, but when it's for a purpose, when it's for growing the capability or capacity for some part of your business. How good does it feel to get to the other side of that? How good does it feel when you get where you're going? When you light the lantern. You want it to light? That feeling is amazing. And up until the moment you do it. It probably was not present. So you might be doing something that you have a sense is really good for you for your team for your growth, for yourself investment, whatever area we're talking about. But don't make that mean, it has to feel good. Because it 90% of the time, it won't.
Steve Haase 10:20
And this is so true, especially in management and leadership. Usually the things that you need to do are the things that nobody else wants to do, right there on your shoulders. It's the hard conversation with an employee who is not living up to what you need them to be doing. That's not fun, that does not feel good. No one wants that. And yet, when you embrace that discomfort, that's how you get what's good for your business. So the way you do it, is kind of everything we've been talking about. Spend time with people who are also brave and bold and courageous in their business. Get coached by someone who knows what it means to create a business that's aligned with a vision, set up those challenges for yourself, so that you can get stronger in being deliberate. I love what you said here. And that deliberate discomfort, that purposeful discomfort, because when that moment comes, and you have to rise, to have that difficult conversation to provide that feedback so that you can have the performance at the level that you want it for your business, you'll be ready, you'll have the muscles, you'll have the support, you'll have the momentum in doing what is good for you.
Erin Aquin 11:35
Yeah, and one that I would also add to experiment with, because this is what I do, is knowing that inertia can be strong, the status quo is powerful. Something you can do this definitely in your professional life as well, you have to kind of let people know if this is happening on your team. But in your personal life, if you are, you know, let's say it's let's say it's the workout. If you're you keep putting it on the calendar and you keep not doing it. And you see yourself doing that for a week or two, to break the habit of not doing it when you said you would put it somewhere else in your day. You know, for me, I will change up when I do my workout periodically. If I've been doing it more often in the afternoon, I will say okay, I'm gonna get up, have a coffee, help out where I can in the with the morning, kid stuff, and then at least do a 30 minute workout. Rather than delay it till the end of the day when I'm gonna be tired. And I know I'm not going to feel like it. And I know that I'm just not going to do what's good for me. Because of whatever reason, excuse thing I talked myself into. You don't have to necessarily waste a lot of mental energy on trying to talk yourself into things that are hard. Sometimes you just need to change up the situation. Try something else, you know, your team's not showing up and bringing their best to the Friday meeting. Let's put it on Monday.
Steve Haase 13:06
Yeah, the body responds to diversity, the mind responds to things being different. That's how you grow. So give that a try. be deliberate about when you do things, how you do things, try changing it up. And, and don't expect it to feel good when you're doing what's good for you. Now, we are excited to be offering special support for exactly this topic. In the upcoming five day journey to 10 your inner flame. It is completely free. And it's specifically designed for business owners and leaders like you who have to do self care a little differently than the rest of the people out there. Right you've got a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. That means your flame needs to burn even brighter. You need to take extra special care of it. So spend the week with us. It's a five day journey recordings will be available for each of them. But we definitely would love to have you there live for the workshops to sign up, head over to be superabound.com/journey and we can't wait to see you there. Thanks for joining us.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai