Something I notice when coaching people on their relationship, especially when they are having negative feelings about their partner, is that they often think of their partners more like a 2D cardboard cut out rather than an evolving, complex person.
When we reduce another person in our mind to a bundle of qualities it is a way of thinking we have them all figured out. Not only does this end our curiosity abut them, but it can actually block you from seeing where they are growing and changing.
Today I will give you a tool to help you take your partner out of 2D in your mind and see them in 3D.
When you learn this you will be able to:
- stop jumping to conclusions with your partner
- bring back more mystery in your relationship
- enjoy getting to know your partner as a dynamic human
- stop treating them like a cardboard cutout
Exercise: Take your Partner Out of 2D
1. Write a list of 25 qualities, attributes or judgements you believe about your partner (both negative and positive)
2. Write 10 things you don't already know about your partner. You can list these as questions you might ask them.
3. Start asking with curiosity until you hear an answer you were not expecting. allow them to surprise you.
4. Go a deeper. Ask more philosophical questions in a meditative way. Consider who they were before they were born, who will they be after they die? Who are they going to be in twenty years? Who were they as a 10 year old.
Keep going until your partner is no longer a cardboard cut-out in your mind but instead a dynamic.
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