360: Can Self-Care Hurt Your Business?

Full transcript:

Welcome to the Superabound podcast, where vision-led entrepreneurs learn to build a generous business without sacrificing what matters most. You are listening to episode 360: Can self-care hurt your business?

Okay, bombshell episode. I want to talk today about something that is a genuine concern for a lot of business owners. When they maybe, you know, some of them are listening to this podcast, maybe some of them have read my book, they're hearing me talk a lot about things like self-investing and whole life success. And it is a genuine concern that a lot of business owners have that too much self-care, too much, you know, spaciousness and a chill attitude and uh, you know, all of these things that, you know, they think I'm talking about when I talk about self-care or self-investing. Can that hurt your business? Um, it's a question I get so often and for a long time, this is what might be shocking to some of you who've been hearing me talk about this for a long time. For a long time, I often would share that, you know, self-care really is only to benefit you and that should I ideally benefit every aspect of your life. And I don't even really like the term self-care because I, as I've talked about in previous episodes, I much prefer the idea of self-investment. Um, doing things today that will compound, that will grow, that will pay off in the long run. Um, not just kind of the instant gratification self-care. I think as business owners, we often need a different level. But I'm avoiding the question because I want to say something that might get me in a little bit of trouble. There are times when self-care can hurt your business. I actually think there are specific things, specific cases. Um, it's obviously complex and nuanced, but I I think over the last few years, I've just been such a champion of anything we can do to nourish ourselves, especially the high output people, the high performers, especially, you know, those of us who are working towards a vision that may take a lifetime to create. I think I've always naturally leaned to the side of like the more you can take care of yourself the better. But here is why I am opening to the complexity and the truth which is at some point self-care can actually hurt your business. Um, last week, you know, I had the question come up again because last episode I was talking about the emotional sabbatical and it freaked some people out. You know, there was the idea of like I could never do that because if I take my foot off the gas, if I am not putting, you know, 30 marketing hours into my small business every week, that's going to be a problem. That's not, you know, I I need to be attracting more leads. I need to be talking to potential customers. I need to be doing more. And it is true that when you are taking on self-care or self-investment activities that those often take time, they take time. They take resources. Um that's you know it it's true. But while I am not changing my mind, I'm I you know I'm a champion of the idea of self-investment that you know we are pouring into and trying to create whole life success. In the short term, if you go from being a person that always puts yourself last, um, never really thinking about your human needs at an emotional level, a soul level, physical level, a mental well-being level, and then you just suddenly say, "Okay, fine. I'm going to just take a three-day weekend every week without any of the work to do that. Chances are your business will not thrive in the same way because suddenly you the doer of all of the things have reduced your hours drastically. And if you haven't put in those systems in place, if you don't have a team to support you, that can be very jarring and on paper it might hurt your business. So the fix for that is, you know, um straightforward. I won't call it easy but this is sort of the work that I do with clients is making sure that those things are in place and we are always moving towards a more aligned team a more aligned vision doing things in the business that will make you proud when you are retiring you know so those types of things are really important but they don't happen overnight it's not a quick fix it's not a here are 10 things you can do in this podcast episode to to change it. It's something that kind of has to be done and it's very custom work. Um it is why I coach and if that is something that you need in the new year because you do want to have something like a three-day work a 3-day weekend or a three-day work week, hey, you can have that too. These are the things that I do help you with. And you can learn more about how to start working with me over at buperabbound.com/cconultation.

So there is that piece. There is the piece where if we just switch directions very quickly, that's going to give you and everyone around you some kind of emotional whiplash. And there will be probably a short-term or maybe long-term negative impact on the bottom line in your business. But the answer to that is often straightforward. The answer to that is don't try to do it overnight. Really think about what it is you want to create that will make you feel like you have whole life success. And that might look very different from what somebody in a similar business wants.

Where I want to really spend our time today is talking about the self-care that I think the fear that's at the heart of when I get that question. Because what I've watched around me is a lot of people, especially in an industry like coaching, consulting, any service-based industry where the the person, your client, your customer is paying for time with you. They are paying you for your mind, for your tools, for your expertise on their issue or what have you. For a lot of folks in those professions, in that uh in those types of industries, there's a fear that too much self-care, too much self-investing might lead them to become disinterested in their business. It might make them take their intention off of the milestones or the lanterns that they want to light. And after hearing that fear for so many years from lots of different people, I kind of started to wonder where it came from. And I mean, initially, I guess I wasn't very curious about this because I just thought, oh, you know, everybody's just so used to and so conditioned to work hard, follow the plan. Um, they just worry that if they suddenly don't have some rigid playbook to follow that they'll just like lay in the hammock all day. Um, and for some people that is true. You know, it's it's something that maybe was drilled into us that like if you are quote unquote lazy, if you're taking downtime, then you're like there's something horribly wrong with you as a human. But I started to think about this from the lens of people who maybe don't have that narrative and why they still have that question. you know, I don't come from a a spiritual background that says like to toil is divine. Like that's not actually the context of my personal or religious beliefs. Uh it's much more, you know, pleasure is important, love is important. These are the things we're we're trying to lean into and grow in the world. So, it was really interesting that even I had this concern when I first started uh you know when I went from working only 25 hours a week and seeing if I could grow my business but not work more. Um there was a little bit of that fear, there was a little bit of that concern and I've seen it in other people who have very healthy work ethics. So, it started to kind of get me looking for reasons why some people have this concern, this fear, even though they have no personal evidence that if they were to self-invest that they would never work again. They would like go off the rails or I don't know what what what would happen. Like they'd be too busy enjoying their life that they wouldn't want to work anymore. doesn't sound that bad, but maybe it wouldn't be great for your bank account. I don't know. Um, and as I started to just kind of play with this and look for like, you know, what are some of the reasons, I noticed that especially in the industries that I work most closely with, what sometimes happens is when people go away from uh maybe more rigid ways of working, they almost go so far in the other direction that it becomes unhealthy. It's like a somebody who wants to be a coach or consultant and they spend three hours a day journaling or somebody who wants to be a professional yoga teacher spending like 5 hours a day doing yoga and meditation. Now, if you live in an ashram, that might be absolutely appropriate. But if you are spending all of your work time on self-care, self-development, it actually isn't work time. And I know how that might sound. And I'm I'm you know I'm so conscious that I'm I definitely don't want to sound like I'm shaming anybody who is on a intense personal development journey and they happen to be doing that work in the world because I think that maybe a big issue with a lot of industries is people focus perhaps too much on marketing sometimes and looking like they know what they're talking about rather than doing the introspective work or rather than getting deeper into their education. But for some people, there is a way of turning self-care activities into a very it's a really sophisticated way of hiding and not moving forward in your business. It's like saying, "I can't teach yoga until I'm enlightened.

I can't be a coach until I have no drama, negative feelings, difficult relationships in my world. And I understand that most of us say these kinds of things. It sounds like I'm trying to have a lot of integrity. I'm trying to not be a scammer because there's lots of those people out there. There's lots of people who have never done a a an iota of personal development work and they're off spouting teachings. They didn't live. I get it. And and I think those of us who maybe heir on trying to do more and understand more before we step out into the world with it, I understand where that comes from. But there is, I think, a point where where the fear the fear that most people have is that too much self-care is actually self-indulgent. And I can see why that concern comes up for so many people because there can actually be a point for some folks where they are now using their business to only help themselves. they are see like you'll you'll notice it sometimes in the marketing copy that someone will write where they will talk about how they are living their dream. They are doing this business because it's their calling to help people and it almost it gives you the the potential customer the feeling that like oh I'm kind of sound like a character in their story. They're not really telling me how they're going to support me. They're telling me how my involvement with their business will be great for them and how much experience they have and you know how many people really love them. And I think it's a fine line. You know, many of us shy away from saying, "Hey, I'm really good at what I do and if you come and work with me, I can probably help you quite a bit." Many of us shy away from that. We don't want to sound arrogant. We don't want to, you know, do that. But it's like the the self-care has almost wrapped people up in some weird self-referential thing. And I remember actually having a a coach um negotiate her price with me, which I don't do. I don't negotiate a price. Um, but she was talking about the price it would take for her to do this custom work. So, you know, maybe she hadn't really worked it out. Probably should have thought about it or gotten back to me and not worked it out. But she actually said on the coaching session where we were just talking about maybe her doing this extra work with me, um, she said, "No, I'm going to value myself and I'm going to charge you for it for this XYZ." And it was a really weird thing to say because I was not arguing that she should be paid for the time she was going to spend on this work. Um, but the fact that she was just like, hm, sometimes in the past I haven't charged for this. So, like she was kind of doing her own self- coaching during the time that should have been mine as the client, which I did not like. And I did not work with her again after that because it felt like I'm just a cog in her business to take her where she wants to go. Um, and that's not something we ever want our customers or our clients to feel. So, I talk a lot about self-investment. I talk a lot I share a lot about what I'm doing. I share a lot about whole life success and all of it. But it's never to say like, "Hey, come be my client so that I can take a nice vacation next year." Wouldn't that be crazy? Wouldn't that be crazy? Like, oh, my family and I are going to are planning to go, you know, here and I'd like to fly them all, you know, in business class. So, all I need is five more clients. So, who's signing up? That would be insane. That would be like who would ever work with that person as their business coach? Um, behind the scenes that calculation could be going on, but you my client should never hear that. You should never feel that. You should only see the things that are inspiring to you. You know, I often will share about like CEO Friday and what I'm doing um as a point of inspiration as to say like this is what is possible. If you are um wanting more of a lifestyle business, which I know is a bad word in a lot of circles are like a lifestyle business. Listen, having a lifestyle business is [ __ ] awesome. It is really amazing to know that um I have the autonomy as a business owner to only work with clients who I'm really interested in helping who have really cool clear um visions and they're doing something amazing in the world and then I can genuinely show up and say yes this is something I want to support and this is something I want to work on and I'm can give you so much because I am genuinely interested in seeing this grow and become more successful. That's different than a business that is just trying to hit a revenue target that needs to, you know, support a big sales machine and will take on anybody and they may not care about you at all. They may not like your business. They may not like really get you or understand you. So, I feel very lucky to have a lifestyle business where I only have to work with the people I want to work with and I don't have to I mean I don't have to work with them. I get to work with the people I really want to work with on projects that I genuinely am excited about. Um, as a business owner, I highly recommend it because it means your sales job just went away. You know, like that that yucky sales stuff that people talk about. You don't really have that when you are doing something that's very aligned. And the path to finding that alignment, here's where we're coming back around, is through knowing what your vision is. And being awake enough, nourished enough, conscious enough to

speak that, to live that, to only move towards that, to say yes to everything in alignment with that and no to everything that is not in alignment with that. So, can self-care hurt your business? Yes. If you are using it to hide out or you're using self-care as some kind of weird

twisted I I don't even know how to talk about it. Like if you're using it in the context of like all of my my business is also my self-care and that's what's giving me all the things and the clients are here to give me things like the reason I think self-investing is so important is because when I am with clients my attention is on them. I am not thinking about what I need from this person. And I think that in human relationships, that's not a natural place to be. That's not an easy place to be. It's not a just something that you can do overnight. It's something that's taken years of training. And I think of self-investing as the way that I keep those boundaries clean because I don't I'm not deficient in anything in my life. I don't need anything from my clients and therefore I can actually give them what they came to get. I can give them the support they need. I can give them very, you know, aligned customized strategies and ideas to their business because I'm not overloaded. I'm not deficient or depleted. It is important to be very fueled in your business.

But if you are somehow trying to get the self-care hit from being in your business and working in your business and having clients love you and customers praise you and all of that. I actually think it creates a strange dynamic and that can hurt you. That can hurt your business. self uh too much self-care can also hurt your business if you are so depleted that you actually don't know how to have self-investing and self-care as a regular part of your life and it's really just all or nothing. You're either on self-care because you burnt out and you actually can't get out of bed and you can't come up with creative ideas and you're totally blocked. that can hurt your business, but that's not a result of like, hey, you were doing you were getting too many uh treatments. You were getting too many too many massages. If you're getting massages all day, that's maybe a different issue and that could just be part of the hiding out. Um, but in general, self-investing, so I'm going to use self-investing over self-care, is something that helps the ecosystem of your life. It is not only for your business, it is also for you. But it makes it so that when you are when your full attention is needed, your full presence is needed, your energy, creativity, u magnetism is needed, it's available, the tank is full. And when things are hard, when maybe you have a rough quarter, maybe you have something really tough going on in your personal life, you have reserves to draw from. you have a habit and a and a strong sense of how to take care of yourself because I have never met someone who figured out how to take incredible impeccable care of themselves when they were depleted or going through something hard. Self-investment is your insurance policy. Um, it it makes your life better and it also, I think, is flexible enough because this is the other part. Sometimes people get very rigid about the self-care. They like do it as a chore, as a task. Um, and they're not actually thinking about whether it's yielding the results and whether the interest is compounding in a way that is providing them what they need. So, I can't wrap this up in a pretty bow for you. This is something that often it it's different for every single person. But if you've ever had the fear that like, am I am I doing too much self-care? Is it hurting my business? 90% of the time when people ask me this, it is a hypothetical thing and it's something they're using to keep them from learning how to deeply self-invest. you know, it's it's not really a concern because they've never even tried it. They think, you know, they think that one massage every month is going to derail them. I promise you, it probably will not. It might make you ideally it's going to make things better. It's going to help you really feel your success and feel um into what you need more. But if you find that you are not actually getting to your work, you are not putting your attention in the places that it needs to be because you are doing so many things that look like self-care but are actually preventing you from getting to the lantern that you need to light, then I think this is something to listen to. Again,

most of the time it's not going to be an issue for for most people, especially the ones in my world, you know, we're working a lot. We work hard. We um probably work too much, some of us. And as someone who used to work too much, I can say I have become much more successful and fulfilled from doing the things that nourish me. I am a much happier uh more present coach when I've done my meditation and my workout. I've had, you know, I had a facial today. Um I feel amazing as I sit down at the desk to record this for you. So I hope that this has been helpful. It's hard to overdo it, but if you're overdo it, if you are think you might be overdoing it, look to whether you are hiding from something that you really want or if you are maybe too much at the center of your business and really anytime you step away it feels like you're injuring something. That's a sign you might need systems, you might need help, you might need like a support team. And I would love to know what you think. I'll talk to you again