I love my children with all my heart. They are beautiful little beings and most of the time they are a joy to be around.
But there are some days and some phases of their growth, when I wonder if one or both of them will ever stop crying/screaming/doing the exact opposite of what I am asking them to do.
Those days feel rough and often when Steve comes home, I am just done.
All I want to do is go sit in the bathtub with a few candles and a book alone for a few hours. As much as I try to remember that my kids are doing exactly what learning, growing, healthy children do it takes effort not to feel like I am failing as a parent.
Those days are hard as every parent knows, but while many of us focus and worry about how our relationship is going with our children, it is easy to hit pause on your relationship with your partner.
I get it.
You feel exhausted and after singing the same five songs or answering the same five questions all day, you might want to veg out instead of have a meaningful conversation.
You might lie down with your kids and bedtime and routinely fall asleep for hours.
Or maybe, you feel the seeds of resentment and spend all your time together going back and forth with your spouse complaining about why your day was more difficult than theirs.
It may sound overly formal, but if you are serious about reconnecting with your partner, you need to set aside the time to do it.
And I don't mean in a casual, off-hand way, in the same way that you would an important career-defining business meeting way.
You invite them, you book it on your calendar, you prepare and decide how best to use that precious time. Then you show up, excited to be there and remain fully present the whole time.
Most couples don't do this.
They fill up their days with "important" things like work, appointments and taking their children to lessons and then...maybe...IF they have the energy, they might spend a few minutes hanging out with their partner before bed.
And it is no wonder those people don't feel connected to one another. They are doing it backwards.
Spending time with my husband is very important to me and now that we have kids and I don't have as much free time and energy to devote to our relationship, I have to make doubly sure I don't make my marriage an after thought.
Your relationship doesn't deserve to live on the back-burner in your life. Book a babysitter and have a date a few times a month. Have a friend hang out with your kids so you can go for a walk alone together. Schedule an hour at the end of the day to sit down with a tea before bed and talk about your dreams for the future.
It doesn't have to be extravagant or even take up too much time, but if you want to reconnect you have to make the space for it and show up like your relationship is a priority.
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